Not wrong, Just different

Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (emphasis mine)

found at BibleGateway.com


I was sitting in Sunday School this morning. We are watching a DVD series/study called “Love and Respect”. It is based on the book of the same name and work of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Dr. E brings to light the biblical calling of Ephesians 5:33: Husband love your wives as yourself and wives respect your husbands. He has highlighted the different core needs of men and women as being “not wrong, just different.” Women are creatures made to love. Unconditionally. We women are pretty sure John Lennon was correct when he sang “all we need is love.” But according to Dr. E, this is not natural for men. He says men are in need of unconditional respect. RESPECT? How does that work? LOVE is everything. I’ve seen Moulin Rogue, “love is like oxygen”. Isn’t it?

According to Dr. E, it is more natural for a man to die for his woman than to look her in the eye and say “I’m sorry.” Making eye contact during difficult discussions (aka arguments) is being aggressive. It is more intuitive for a male to avoid eye contact and withdraw to think things over. (Think alpha male and dog pack mentality) No so much a girl way of thinking. So all those times that I pushed for answers and forced eye contact, I just made it worse. See women equate eye contact to paying attention. No eye contact = no attention paid. Apparently not so much for men.

The material covered in Sunday School is great. It explains the “Crazy Cycle” that many men and women go through when attempting to communicate. She speaks “pink”; he speaks “blue”. She needs love, he needs respect. If she doesn’t receive love, she doesn’t give respect. If he doesn’t receive respect, he doesn’t give love. Lather, rinse, repeat. Over and over and over again. I see it. I really, really see it. I have a lot to learn.