Isn't it odd how your life can change your mind and opinions? I have been stiving as an adult, if not most of my life period, to be a professional. To me this means being the best I can be at whatever my focus is at the time. Many times I would rather do things myself so they are done "right". Not leave (or turn over) a job for someone else. The first time Shane was deployed for a year, I worked 4 or 5 12 hour shifts a week. I was honing my skills and filling time as I best knew how. I think I can easily say I helped to save lives, and made things easier on my co-workers. Let's not forget racked up a ton of miles in the back of an ambulance or helicopter!
So it has taken me by surprise to find I'd like nothing better than to become a Stay at Home mom. I don't feel like that is much of an option right now. But it has hurt my feelings like nothing else I know to have my little girl call me "Macy-mommy". Allison doesn't say Nancy just yet; she says Macy. She is so used to spending time at daycare, she gets confused. Wow. It's like I'm being stabbed in the chest. Or the pride, I'm not sure which. I know I have a little more pride than I should, so maybe this is God's way of deflating the ego. I don't know. But to be completely honest, this sucks.
Anyone with good games to play with 2.5 year olds and 8 month olds? I am having some problems thinking of enough things to do with Allison on the weekends. I try to get things cleaned up and straightened up, but she is soooo demanding of my time. I have tried keeping her occupied to her toys, but she gets bored. I hate the idea of sitting her in front of the TV. I feel guilty about the time she watches Disney morning as is! As I read this, I feel like I am struggling in general with the single mom gig. Again, this sucks!
Ok, I must say adeiu. I'm tired.
Smooches!
3 comments:
N, we could have written the same post. I'm struggling with wanting to be home again. Part of my struggle, I think anyway, is that I feel like I *should* work because I dont' want to not contribute to our family----as if what I'm doing isn't??----and I don't want to waste me degree. I may have to email you about this more. Interesting how things do change!
I have to say, the most fulfilling 2 years of my working career were the ones I spent at home with Isa.
Personally, I don't think it's a waste of a degree to stay home. And I especially don't feel that stay-at-home moms don't contribute. Thankfully, my husband feels the same way.
I recommend staying home to any mom if at all possible. We're planning on me staying home next fall when Isa starts kindergarten. I can't wait!
I just wanted to send you some *hugs* I am thinking of you. I think no matter what side of the fence you are on, we are made to feel guilty. I feel guilty justifying my decision when I go to pay the bills and it is so tight. It is just so hard to know what the right thing to do is... Fortunately, my heart is mega happy where I am. And my husband is happy with it. So this is probably where I'll be staying...
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